I was sorting through my files and found a bunch of old photos. Yes, I take photos with my digital AND have them printed off at Walgreens! But I’m bad at putting them into albums.
They reminded me so much of everything I have gone through in the last few years. I just thought that I would share them with you.
Oh wow, this brings back so many memories. The truth is, this was the first time I took a selfie! This was January 2012. I had just purchased an iPad to use for my Master’s program I started in October 2011. All the textbooks were ebooks, and they were difficult to read on a desktop computer. The picture is blurry because I hadn’t removed the plastic film that was covering the camera. Duh! LOL!
I was almost 42 years old, and majority of my classmates were under the age of 30. Once a week I’d finish an 8 hour day, then hop a train to the city for a 6pm – 10pm class. I’d catch the 11pm train back home, and walk through my front door 11:55pm. Wake up time for work was 6am.
I completed my program in June 2014 and participated in commencement November 2014.
I look on this photo with sadness. My nephew took this of me at his 8th birthday party in 2015. I was not in a good place mentally or emotionally. My work situation was extremely stressful, and I had put on extra weight. I’m already full-figured (or fluffy as I prefer to say), but I can see the extra weight in my face and stomach.
On this particular day my boss gave me grief for leaving early to attend his party. Mind you I was a salaried, senior administrator who often worked 50+ hours weekly. And on this day I had worked through my lunch!!! She never commented on my 10 hour work days, but chose to lash out when I worked 8 hours.
I put on a brave face for the camera, but inside I was broken and emotionally drained. I couldn’t wait to see my therapist the next week to keep my mental status from crumbling.
Side Note: I am not embarrassed to share that I sought help from a mental health professional. You can learn more about the experience on my blog entry, Peace Of Mind Is Priceless. Click here to read it.
I love this one! It was taken my last day working at my college of 12 years. My staff threw me a going away party (because my boss showed no interest – but I wouldn’t have wanted her to anyway). So many people came to wish me well. None of them knew my plans, but they knew it had to be special for me to walk away from a “safe” job in higher education.
What were those plans? To start a business helping others like me leave jobs that are slowly killing them and get new ones.
Wow, it’s amazing how my life has changed for the better. If someone had told the 2015 Chandra that I would be where I am today, I would have just smiled politely in disbelief.
I didn’t think it was possible. But I found my strength and made an escape plan.
I am so grateful for everything that I’ve gone through… even the failures and sad times.
It was horrible back then and I wouldn’t wish for anyone to experience what I had been through…Even the boss that caused me mental anguish.
But my mistakes have made me so much stronger.
These photos may seem like random photos to you, but they hold so much significance for me.
They are milestones on my journey to becoming Chandra.
I see a woman who was full of hope and awe! She invested in herself by going back to school. It was a struggle, but she knew she had to get more knowledge to move ahead in her career.
I see a woman who loved the work she did, yet she allowed a person to crush her spirit and lead her to doubt herself and her abilities.
I see a woman who thought she was losing her mind and had it not been for God and her therapist she may have had a nervous breakdown.
I see a woman who finally realized she did not have to work in a toxic workplace. She quit her job and hopped on a plane to Scottsdale, Arizona for an overdue vacation.
And this is me today. This was taken mid-April after I was interviewed for a Maryland cable television program.
I see excitement, promise and hope in my eyes.
And I’m grateful.
What has your journey looked like? Are you in a toxic environment?
If you unfortunately find yourself in this position, please share your story with me. I'd really like to know.
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Thanks for allowing me to share a portion of my journey.